Will I just know?

Well it seems I can't get through a month without having some sort of illness or something that knocks me back around ovulation.

Last month it was THE worst bladder infection (and no of course I can't get straight up an go to the bathroom!), and this month I spent Saturday night vomiting and passing out.
At first I was slightly excited, and thought 'maybe this is morning sickness', but then I realised that morning sickness doesn't exactly happen 4 days after conception, and neither does a raging temperature.

So I went to the doctor, as I also had lower back pain, and was really exhausted, and she says 'nothing's wrong, maybe you had a bug'. I wanted to cry. Only one month prior, I was sitting in the same chair getting antibiotics from her. Why can't I go one month with a perfect cycle?

So, I'm trying hard to be happy and not let negative thoughts overtake me. It's about 5 months since I stopped taking my anti-depressants, and all things considered, I think I have done pretty well. I usually find my happiness levels go something like this:

Period week: Fairly happy, thinking about this months follicles, and feeling hopeful.
Week two: Stressed, begin the week worried and sad, end the week happy and excited because we're trying!
Week three: Depressed, anxious, impatient and convinced I'm not pregnant.
Week four: Pre-menstrual but feeling like the countdown to next cycle is close.

Poor DH, must feel like his life is a rollercoaster. We have had a fairly stressful week so far, as I have my sister here from NZ, and it's not much fun. Sex is out of the question, and I'm lucky I manipulated the dates she was here, as she was originally planning to be here on Day 15 of my cycle.

I had acupuncture again today, at a nice clinic in Woolahra. I am a bit scared (?) of the acupuncturist, which is strange because I am a grown woman. Last week she told me off for wearing flip-flops. So I am looking forward to my regular lady coming back.

Have been taking the chasteberry (Vitex), as well as the following supplements:

Probiotics (morning and night)
Cranberry (to avoid more cystitis)
Blackmores Conceive Well supplement (has everything in it)
Zinc
Fish Oil
Calcium/Magnesium
Liquid Herbs (my natural therapist mixed these for me)

Have managed to convince DH to take a multi-vitamin every night, and he now does so willingly. He is a lovely man.

So tonight I wait for him after a job interview that might take us back to NZ, or to London.
Why does it all have to be so uncertain?