Just because I like filling in forms...

 Ok, so I am the first to admit that I don't know much about the conventions of blogging, and a lot of the jargon and standard practices are lost on me. But I do know that I like filling out forms and doing questionnaires, and so I'm going to start doing this one:

How Far Along: 18 weeks, 2 days.

How Big is the Baby?: Well I don't know exactly because the doctor doesn't seem too worried about the length of the baby any more, but What to Expect tells me it's as big as a mango - about 15cm from head to rump. (I love that word 'rump').

Total Weight Gain: I really don't like to think about this, but actually the weight gain hasn't been too bad. The problem was BEFORE I was pregnant :) I lost about 7 pounds in the first trimester, and have gained them all back now + 1. So I'm 1 pound heavier than when I first found out, which is 167 pounds. And my DH loves to check the BMI chart in the doctors office and tell me that I'm in the 'moderately overweight' area. Great.

Maternity Clothes: Last week I caved. I schlepped out to Target and Motherhood and bought some new clothes. The best buy? Motherhood's 'secret fit' leggings. They come right up under my boobs (which DH thought was hilarious), but are SO comfy. My old leggings crush my uterus area and I was scared I was squashing the little one. Next weeks mission: to find a swimsuit for Mexico.

Stretch Marks: Nope.

Sleep: Completely dysfunctional. Either DH or I ends up on the couch every night. I cannot sleep for longer than about 3 hours straight, although the constant peeing has abated for the time being. It's just that I wake up as if it's morning, even if it's only 4am. And I have to then drink some milk (for the burning tummy) and read my book. And DH has a serious snoring issue which only makes my wakefulness worse. This is one thing that is really bothering me and I hope our holiday can remedy it in some way.

Movement: Sometimes. Yesterday I could feel the baby ALL day. Just fluttering and tiny prods. But this morning - nothing. I can't wait until I can feel her/him all the time, and especially until DH can.

Food Cravings: Sweet things mainly. I have never had a terrible sweet tooth, but at the moment I find myself throwing twizzlers and maltesers into the shopping trolley without a second thought.  I am trying to be good though and moderate how many lollies I have per day. Apart from those small lapses, I am eating pretty well. I eat tonnes of fruit every day and am still drinking gallons of V8 and milk. I also cook dinner 6 nights out of 7, so we're all eating pretty well. Cannot even contemplate fish or chicken still...so weird.

What I Miss: My friends and family. Being pregnant on the other side of the world from all the females in my life is horrible. I love being pregnant, and there is no food/activity that I miss at all. It's just people.

What I’m Looking Forward To: So much stuff. Anatomy scan (and hopefully gender) next Wednesday is the first thing. So excited. 3 days later we fly to Mexico for a week in the sun, just me and DH. Then the day we get back my best friend from NZ arrives for 2 weeks. She is about to start her 2nd round of IVF so it's a nice break for her. And she's never been to NYC! Then when she leaves I will join DH in Stockholm for 6 weeks while he fills in for a colleague in the Sweden branch. It's all go!

Milestones: Looking pregnant. Ok this happened about 2 weeks ago, but there is no mistaking it now. And I marvel over my big belly.

Other stuff: I have started researching nursery things. I think DH and I have different views on how much we will be spending :) It's so much fun looking at all the things, and thinking 'oh my god will I really have a baby to put in here?' 

The home doppler is still my favourite thing, and I find it so reassuring. And last but not least, I have discovered that excess mucus production (in the nose and throat) is a common symptom of pregnancy. It is disgusting.

That's all for now, except for one note:

 - I was watching the movie 'Lantana' last night on H.BO, and there is a scene where the detectives pull up at an apartment block, park and go in. Well lo and behold it was our old apartment in Balmain, Sydney. I could not believe it, and then they even went up to the same floor our apartment was on, and filmed in one of the apartments. For some reason this made me extremely emotional. I felt so wistful for life in sunny Sydney.  When DH got home and I told him, he seemed so indifferent while I nearly cried while cooking dinner. Oh, the life of a pregnant woman :)

PS. sorry for the annoying line breaks - I can't fix it for some reason.

Small pleasures

In 2 days I'll be 18 weeks pregnant, and my tummy is huge. People on the subway and even my manicurist commented that I looked big. Do they think this is appropriate? Do they think I don't know how massive my tummy looks? While I secretly marvel at it when I'm alone, and certainly don't attempt to cover it up with baggy clothes, I don't need their opinions on how big  I should be at 18 weeks.
My skin also is a mess still. I thought I would try an acne treatment that was suitable for pregnant women, and of course instead of now having pimples, my skin is dry and flaking off. It looks worse than it did before! I can't win...

So my small pleasure is that I ordered a home doppler. And I love it. Although I'm not sure the baby does! It is SO reassuring to hear its little heartbeat whenever I want to. But last night, DH and I had a listen, and the baby really seemed to move around in there and then KICKED right on the doppler!  It was almost as if it was saying 'please leave me alone, I don't like the sound of that'. So of course I felt guilty and said something like 'great, I'm already a bad mother'. But still, it's so nice to hear the little one in there, and I think it gives DH a kick too because he can hear the baby, (and not just me complaining!)

We are booked in for our anatomy scan in about 10 days and I can't wait! We will be finding out whether we have a little girl or boy. And then we are off to Mexico for our 'babymoon'. I truly do not care whether it's a boy or girl. I read all these forums about 'gender disappointment' and am truly disgusted.

I asked the doctor how he knew if I had incompetent cervix or not, because I was nervous about it.  He said I had none of the risk factors for it, but that he could check me if  I wanted. I chose to trust him and not get checked. I hope I made the right choice.

That's all for now. I finally bought some maternity clothes last week, and I feel so much better now I'm not trying to stuff myself into pre-pregnancy clothes!

16 weeks

Tomorrow when  I wake up, I will be 16 weeks pregnant. Those are words that sound so foreign to me, and somehow just saying them makes me nervous.

Today I have absolutely scared the s&*t out of myself by reading about a lot of other women who have lost their babies between 16-20 weeks. From things like incompetent cervix, water breaking early, and other inexplicable reasons. It has scared me so much, I am now thinking about getting a home doppler so I can listen to my baby's heartbeat to reassure myself. I truly never thought that being pregnant would be such a scary time. So many things can go wrong.

My OB, who I adore, is so relaxed and casual because I guess he considers me 'low risk'. I'm not seeing him again for another week, and it can't come soon enough. Last week, I am sure I was feeling little flutters, and now I haven't been feeling them. Everyone tells me this is impossible, but I know my own body right? But this is hardly a reason to see the doctor sooner.

I have started feeling quite uncomfortable sleeping on my back. Yet my hips get so sore during the night, I find myself rolling to my back, and then wake up feeling so guilty.

My tummy is popping out and feeling very hard, and I can feel my uterus a couple of inches above my pubic bone. I am constantly checking online to make sure that's the right size/height. I think I am a mad woman.

Ok - enough of the paranoia.