16 weeks

Tomorrow when  I wake up, I will be 16 weeks pregnant. Those are words that sound so foreign to me, and somehow just saying them makes me nervous.

Today I have absolutely scared the s&*t out of myself by reading about a lot of other women who have lost their babies between 16-20 weeks. From things like incompetent cervix, water breaking early, and other inexplicable reasons. It has scared me so much, I am now thinking about getting a home doppler so I can listen to my baby's heartbeat to reassure myself. I truly never thought that being pregnant would be such a scary time. So many things can go wrong.

My OB, who I adore, is so relaxed and casual because I guess he considers me 'low risk'. I'm not seeing him again for another week, and it can't come soon enough. Last week, I am sure I was feeling little flutters, and now I haven't been feeling them. Everyone tells me this is impossible, but I know my own body right? But this is hardly a reason to see the doctor sooner.

I have started feeling quite uncomfortable sleeping on my back. Yet my hips get so sore during the night, I find myself rolling to my back, and then wake up feeling so guilty.

My tummy is popping out and feeling very hard, and I can feel my uterus a couple of inches above my pubic bone. I am constantly checking online to make sure that's the right size/height. I think I am a mad woman.

Ok - enough of the paranoia.