Well I really hoped I would never be writing sad posts like this, but last night I think I had a miscarriage.
We found out we were pregnant only 3 nights ago, and have been so happy since then. But last night I was woken up by a sharp cramping, and suddenly my breasts were not sore anymore. Today I would be 5 weeks and 1 day.
I remember a friend of mine (who now has 2 healthy children) telling me about her miscarriage, and she said 'I knew something was wrong because my boobs weren't sore anymore'. So as soon as I woke up, I felt mine and immediately they felt different. And I felt that I just knew something had changed.
We have a doctors appt at 12.15 today, and I just want it to be over. I haven't even seen this doctor before, so I don't know what he will be like.
I feel such a sense of guilt, and when I look at DH, I feel like I've let him down. I wonder if other women feel like this? Secretly I am hoping that it hasn't happened, and that I've just had a scare. But sometimes you just know your body. And I just don't feel pregnant anymore.
Funnily enough I don't feel like crying right now. I just feel kind of empty. I feel depressed.
Scratch that. DH just called to see how I was, and the tears are coming.
I have to think of the positives of this. At least we know now that I can get pregnant. After months of trying, that is some solace. But at the same time, it took so long, so will we have to wait that long again? I don't think I could cope with that.
8 years ago
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